How to heal your wounds through forgiveness


How to heal your wounds through forgiveness

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free,” Catherine Ponder, inspirational writer.

Everyone has different wounds to be healed through forgiveness. Forgiving those who have made us suffer may include:

  • A friend who made inappropriate comments. “She is a counsellor. I am a psychologist. I am better than she is.”
  • An inattentive spouse who neglects his wife and children’s needs.
  • A manager who pretends not to see when an employee is bullied.

These are a few examples of situations in which someone was hurt because words were said or actions were taken without taking into consideration the well-being of another.

Brazilian writer, Clarice Lispector says, “You will only succeed in life when you forgive the errors and the disappointments from the past.”

When you choose to forgive mistakes and disappointments, you choose to heal the wounds caused by distress suffered in the past. You choose to reclaim your power to rewrite your story from victim to hero or from villain to hero.

When trust is broken, it can feel like something inside the compass of what is right or wrong is damaged. Consequently, you immediately start looking for a way to fix the situation, to obtain justice. You start to idealize the desired result; you hypothesize, and explore the probability of achieving that desired result. Finally, you decide to act and do something to restore the emotional balance, by choosing to rewrite your story from victim into a story of personal growth.

When the apology is sincere, the tension decreases; however, if the apology is insincere, the tension increases and anguish continues. While asking for forgiveness is crucial, it is usually beneficial when it is communicated authentically. If your words say one thing and your expressions display another, you take the risk of sounding insincere. It is like the child forced to say, “I’m sorry,” when their tone of voice, lack of eye contact, and body expressions, do not convince the injured party that they mean it.

When the person causing the disappointment is able to express authentic and genuine repentance, they proceed to ask what they can do to repair the situation. The process of forgiveness starts, allowing both of them to take advantage of this experience.

We are free to love and to hate and it is because of this freedom that, sometimes, we make hasty decisions which lead to disappointing those surrounding us. We are free to forgive and request forgiveness for past mistakes.

Most importantly, we are free to live authentically by reclaiming our power to rewrite our own story.

If you need extra support, you can always call us at 1-866-833-7690 or visit to connect to one of our counsellors online.

Written by Rosana Brasil, LMFT Full-time counsellor in Scarborough


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